Haunted House Sales

So you want to buy a Haunted House, or you have one to sell. You've come to the right place for a Frightfully good deal!

BE WARNED! Buying and Selling a Haunted House is not for Everyone! It takes skill and dedication, and a lot of mops and buckets. Plus lots of earplugs. Even large laundry bills. Let me explain.

Top Tips for Spotting Spirits

So you fancy a few shady visitors for company, eh? Before you go house hunting, learn the tell-tales signs that your future residence has invisible sitting tenants:

100 Questions Every First-Time Home Buyer Should Ask

Fully revised and updated for today's marketplace, this classic from America's most trusted real estate expert has helped countless home buyers land the home of their dreams.

What to do and what not to do when you have Phantom Friends

A few tips to clinch the sale

So you've decided to move on. You're saying goodbye to the footsteps across the landing, the bloodstain at the foot of the stairs, the flickering lamps and the shadows that move. It's time to let somebody else have a little fun!

Most people will decide to give the old place a coat of paint and a new carpet or two, but you have a little more work to do than that. Hopefully, a lot of scrubbing and a coat of sealant on the stone floor will keep the hall bloodstain at bay long enough to get it to pass unnoticed by the realtor. Otherwise, you'll have to stand on it each time they walk past.

Call in an electrician and get them to check on the house wiring, so that there's somebody else to blame for the lights flickering if queried. While you're about it, best call in the plumber too, in case someone mentions the color of the water in the bath. Not everybody likes red bathwater, after all. There's not much you can do about the footsteps or shadows, though.

On the plus side, the seven odd socks in your drawer will probably be reunited with their mates sometime soon.

Last of all - don't forget to let the ghost(s) know you're moving on. You may not, however, want to tell them where...

by Graeme King

I live inside a haunted house, I wouldn't call it fun,

the monsters, ghouls and spooks are everywhere,

they slam the doors and break the plates and frighten everyone,

it seems that once you're dead your job's to scare!

It's hard to get to sleep because they stomp around all night

destroying vases, breaking window panes,

and if it all goes quiet and you think that it's all right,

they form a line of ghosts and rattle chains!

The lights turn on and off, and toast will pop at any time,

the phone will ring then fall onto the floor,

the kitchen sink is always full of glowing greenish slime,

nobody does the dishes any more!

The pictures in the hallway hang at angles rather strange,

although they're straightened every single day,

each night a phantom does its job - to mess and re-arrange,

he doesn't call it work - to him it's play!

The bedrooms are an awful mess, the pillow cases sliced,

with feathers falling round like snowy flakes,

nobody makes the bed because the household poltergeist

will muck it up again, when he awakes!

If visitors come round to call, the ghosts will come alive,

they shriek and boo, it's very impolite,

before too long the guests are running screaming down the drive,

and often, all their hair has turned to white!

I give you all a warning, stay away from ghostly stuff,

and never, ever buy a haunted house,

I'm moving out quite soon, because I've really had enough,

it's bad enough for me - and I'm a mouse!

Haunted House